I am Switzerland.

I moved to Montana in 1992 with four friends of mine.  I moved here sight unseen but with the faith of Ruth when she was doing that whole "whither thou goest" thing.  Two of the four had been students in the Drama Department at The University of Montana in the early 70's and while there were a lot of friends who still lived here - it didn't take long for our household to be noticed.

Suzie, the only one who already had a job here before we moved, had an article done on her in our local paper about a week after we got here - she was the first female stockbroker in town. 

John had made a big enough impression twenty years earlier that he was being recognized lo, these many years later.  You see, John and our friend, Steve, had made their own versions/remakes of:  The Godfather, Gone With The Wind, and The Bible so John would meet people at parties who would say, "Hey, I was in your Gone With The Wind. I was one of the dead in the burning of Atlanta!" Or, "I did my dance final at the opening of The Godfather!" - which oddly enough actually had been a possibility.  Also, John loves to entertain and does it magnificently.

Suzie & Mark moved into their first house that fall and since I was only going to be home a little less than half of the year, it seemed to make sense that I would stay here with John & Tony.

John & Tony have been together, unable to marry, for 33 years now and the three of us have made an odd little family for almost 20 years.  We have complimentary strengths (and weaknesses) and make a good team.  Some of my particular areas of responsibility include (but are not limited to): the assembly and disassembly of the pool; the barbecuing and slicing of any cut of beef that requires being sliced thinly and on the bias and the rolling of, let's call them, herbal cigarettes.  There is one further role that I play - the role of Switzerland.

For the first few weeks after we arrived here, Tony had remained in New York to fulfill business obligations.  This was also early in the decade or so of John thinking that he was successfully hiding his smoking from Tony. Although since all of the rest of us smoked back then it was easy enough to hide, I suppose.   It was, in fact, as I was taking a cigarette break and Tony, who was now in Montana and working on his garden asked me, "Has John been smoking"?  I am not a particularly good liar, so I just looked at him and while exhaling said, "Oh honey, I really couldn't say".  Truth be told, I was pleased with my response and momentarily considered a life as a diplomat. 

Many years later, on a rainy Saturday in early May, John and Tony had gone out shopping.  This is an exercise that often ends in tears and this was one of those times.  As soon as they got home, Tony came down to my room and said, "Boy, is John is a mood today".  "Oh honey", I replied, "I am sorry to hear that".  Several hours later, as John & I were on our way to a Derby party, with Tony to follow after a bit, and as John folded himself into my small-ish car, he gathered his jacket about him, straightened up, eyes wide and said, "Tony is being im-possible"!  Stifling the urge to giggle, I busied myself with the buckling of my seatbelt and said, "Oh honey, I am sorry to hear that".

We have now lived together for so long that everything has become short-hand and I am able to read the full meaning into looks that cover a wide array of topics including:

• "He is being such a brat"
• "Why is he singing that song in his Ethel Merman voice?"
• "Where in the fresh hell has he wandered off to now?" 
•  "Did he just call that actor, Christopher Plumbing?" 

I am Switzerland.