I Can Scratch Glaucoma Off The List

I believe that I can say with some authority, based on empirical evidence gathered over several decades, that Marijuana is not now, nor has it ever been, a "gateway" drug.  I will tell you what is a gateway to a myriad, a panoply, a veritable pu pu platter, if you will, of drugs: aging.

As do many of us of a certain age, after first making sure we have woken up that day, part of my morning ritual is the handful of pills that I apparently now need to continue waking up in the daily fashion of which I have become so fond.  First of all, some of the damn pills are so impossibly tiny that I can't believe they are really doing anything anyway and if, God forbid, I drop one, I find myself wondering if that was a really important one.  Does the 5 second rule apply to pills or can it wait until the next time I need to bend down?  Wait, was that one of the very tiny almost square ones or one of the also very tiny somewhat round ones?  Alright, just start again from the beginning - Focus!

At one point, for almost two years, I was on a heart drug that was pretty shockingly expensive (relative to all of the others).  I did question the wisdom of prescribing this sort of medication to someone who clearly has some sort of heart issue and then presenting them with the charge slip so that suddenly one becomes Fred Sanford, grabbing at one's chest and yelling, "I'm coming to join you, Elizabeth!".  I will accept drug company conspiracy and/or Darwinian theories as the correct response.

Then, there are the colourful warnings on the bottles of the impossibly tiny pills that only bring out the anarchist in me; "Avoid grapefruit", "Do not chew".  Well, goddammit, I had no intention of doing either until you mentioned it.  Grapefruit had never really been a big part of my life anyway (and only a very small and rare part of my cocktail life) but I occasionally find myself either in the produce section or the juice aisle having to avert my eyes, dramatically, as though I am in my own telenovela, crying out, "¡No, mi pequeño toronjo, nosotros nunca podemos ser juntos!"  It's only a problem if I don't use my inside (my head) voice.
   
I am fortunate enough to live in a state in which I am currently legally allowed to purchase and use marijuana as one of my medications (although Conservatives are trying to muck this up too).  I have now used it for more than 35 years for both pain management and yes, recreationally as well. I absolutely believe that cannabis should be legalized and taxed but that would make far too much sense.

Quite frankly, I'd rather stick with an herb than one of those new drugs featured in the oh, so very many advertisements that require 52 of the 60 seconds to list (as read by a world-class speed talker) the side-effects - one of which is often: Death.  Maybe it's just me but I believe that Death is rather more than a side effect.

At worst, pot has been responsible for some very unusual food combinations. It has also been responsible for creative epiphanies, a higher love and the reason SNL is still on the air.

While none of us can really tell the future (yes, Miss Cleo, I'm talking to you), I think that I can say with a fair amount of certainty that whatever other health issues may have to be faced in the future, at least I can scratch glaucoma off the list.